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"As a former caregiver of a loved one with cancer, I often wished for a practical guide from someone who had "been there, done that." Your book is it!"

Missy Lohr
Caregiver

Selected Excerpts

Nancy – Page 7
...I should have followed that still small voice within which kept saying to me, “Nancy, you should get another opinion.” I wish I had followed that inner guidance, but instead I rationalized that surely if my doctor thought there were a problem he would have sent me to someone to get another opinion. I went merrily on my way in denial because I didn’t notice any change for over two years. I had taken a new job which was very stressful and required lots of travel, so I put my health on the back burner.

Nancy – Page 9
Statistics for my survival were 2 years. That was 17 years ago! I felt that my life and the cancer were out of control. Hearing the cancer had recurred was more difficult for me than hearing the original diagnosis. I sat down on my sofa and said, “God, I am out of control! Please give me something to help me get through this.” I opened the Bible, and these words were staring back at me: “My peace I give you. Let not your heart be troubled, and neither let it be afraid.” Wow! That’s the message I needed to calm my fears and give me the peace I needed to face the new challenge. When I closed my eyes to say thanks, I received another wonderful message. I saw in my mind’s eye a huge billboard with giant black letters that spelled the word “cancer.” As I was wondering what kind of message this was, my eyes just focused on the first three letters of that big black word…CAN! Yes, the first three letters of the word ‘CANcer’ spell CAN! I had been fighting cancer for three years and had seen that word many times, but I had never seen the CAN in CANcer. I have shared that story with many people and have yet to meet the first one who has seen the CAN. It was a message to me… “You CAN survive!”…“ You CAN help others”… “You CAN make a difference.”

Pam – Page 17
It was during this time that I began to try to deal with all of the symptoms which accompany cancer and which can make day-to-day life such a challenge. I observed that many times it is the so-called “little” problems that can cause the most difficulties in everyday life (this is true emotionally as well as physically). I tried to become a problem solver for lots of these troubling side effects of disease and treatment and was delighted to be able to help in some small ways to make life more comfortable…

Pam – Page 20
Immediately following the final days of my mother-in-law’s difficult and courageous struggle with her cancer, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer-in-situ, which is the earliest stage of the disease. As I told my three friends, “Some people will do anything to belong to a group!”

Susan – Page 25
There was no consensus as to what type of cancer I had and how to treat it. I had always thought of medicine as being black and white, very definitive. I was learning that is not always the case, and it was a hard lesson. I found myself worrying about all the things that might happen and where it might spread.

Susan – Page 27
The surgeon who proposed this course of action is a special physician with whom I am still in touch. I remember saying to him, – “Can I live like that?” and he remarked, “Think about that question, ‘if you can live like that.’ Having you live is what it is all about.” With his encouragement, we went to another cancer center for a consultation.

Terri – Page 39
My life had taken a new and unusual turn into the world of medicine; this was not a career that I had chosen - it had been assigned to me! Thus began my education about cancer and living through an ordeal that was, at the time, beyond comprehension

Terri – Page 41
I’m trying to convey the important message of choosing life! Do whatever it takes to make that happen. If you believe that you could never survive 10, 15 or 20 years with cancer, then you likely won’t. Realize that everyone experiences personal trauma at some point in life; how you chose to cope with it will be your life-changing moment.

Fear – Page 48
The fear that diagnosis elicits is, in large part, fear of the unknown. Some of the questions you may have are: What is going to happen? How sick will I be? Will I need surgery? Will I lose my hair? Will I die from this? You may feel as if these questions are washing over you like waves. Try to connect with those beliefs, people, routines, or any other things that help you to establish a sense of peace. Learning more about your illness and available treatments can be helpful in relieving some fears, but it is not necessary for you to learn as much as the professionals.

What now? - Page 55
Try not to add to your stress by thinking you absolutely have to understand your diagnosis, the terminology being used or the treatment options being proposed. This experience will be an ongoing education for you and your family. Allow yourself some time to absorb the news. Your physician or a staff member should be available to review all information and answer your questions over the course of the next few days, weeks, or months. Being a cancer patient is one of life’s greatest challenges. As simplistic as it sounds, try to take it one step at a time. Sometimes the anticipation of what a procedure or treatment will be like is worse than the reality. Once you have seen your doctors, obtained a second or third opinion and completed your research, you may feel overwhelmed with the decisions you have to make. (see also CHAPTER THREE – Second Opinions.) This is one of the most challenging parts of dealing with cancer. Prepared with your information, go into a quiet room alone, turn off the phone, relax and let your intuition be your guide; listen to your inner voice. If you are unsure about what you need to do, take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle, with positives on one side and negatives on the other. All cancer treatments are a balance between risks and side effects. Writing it on paper will enable you to see more clearly what your options are. If you still need additional information, you may want to talk to your doctor. When you have made the decision, don’t look back and say, “I wish I had done…” You made the best choice you could based on the information you had at the time. Don’t try to second-guess yourself or let others cause you to doubt your decisions. Move ahead with confidence.

Being a Cancer Patient – Page 63
The amount of information you may want about your illness and treatment may vary. Some patients prefer to be very well- informed, while others want to play a less active role in the decision-making. Neither way is right or wrong; the important thing is to do what is best for you. Initially, the doctor may explain some basic facts about the type of cancer you have and discuss additional diagnostic tests and options for courses of treatment. It is important that you understand the implications of your particular medical situation and the goal of the treatment plan your medical team is suggesting. Focusing on the facts can be challenging at this particular time. Try to understand what you are being told, and realize that it may be difficult to stay focused.

Second Opinions – Page 66
It is important to obtain good medical advice and get a second and possibly a third opinion, preferably from a National Cancer Institute (NCI) designated comprehensive cancer center. Don’t let anyone rush you into making a decision. Some patients don’t seek a second opinion because it is too inconvenient or they are afraid they will insult the first doctor with whom they consulted. Remember that you don’t get a second chance to do it right, so you want to make sure that you have made the best decision before you move forward with treatment, surgery or radiation.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation – Page 191
This is a technique used to relax your entire body systematically by alternately tensing and relaxing individual parts of it. By tensing muscles first and then relaxing them, you become aware of how a truly relaxed muscle feels. (Sometimes you are actually tense when you think that you have relaxed, and this helps to show the difference.) Muscle relaxation can be used to help control pain and to relieve anxiety or to help achieve a calm state for meditation.

Work and Play – Page 204
Is your job just a job or do you truly enjoy your chosen career? Are you fulfilled at the end of the day? Being unhappy in your work and the resulting stress it brings can rob you of your health. Your daily workplace is a vital aspect of your mental well-being. Even if you are fortunate enough to have a job you enjoy, you may not know how to relax completely at the end of the day. Are you subjecting yourself unnecessarily to the “dis-ease” of workaholism? It is essential that you regularly engage in the counterbalance to work – play¬. Many of us have associated playing with childhood; yet play is a crucial aspect of mental health and is unequaled in helping us express joy, passion, and exhilaration. The meaning of the word play is to dance, leap for joy, and rejoice - all activities that suggest a healthy mental state. Play has been described as any activity in which you lose track of time.

Living with Cancer as a Chronic Disease – Page 218
For some patients the cancer road is much longer; it continues from recurrence to recurrence. Countless people are surviving and living with cancer as a chronic disease for many years. Your life has changed dramatically, but you can expect this change to become easier with each passing day. Your focus will shift from keeping the disease under control to maintaining a satisfying lifestyle. You will always be in search of that perfect drug that will cure you, and every day will be a challenge. There will be days that you want to quit, but you can’t stop living. You know that no one is going to live forever, but you also know that your chances of living as long as other people are limited. You have an opportunity to look at life differently now. It is now that you start living your real life – thanking God for this new awareness - seeing things as you have never seen them before: watching God’s pallet as he paints the sunset, the brilliance of stars in the night sky, seeing the many colors of spring in bloom, hearing a bluebird singing just for you, and looking at your children and grandchildren in precious new ways. Your priorities, your perspectives, everything will change. You have heightened awareness of everything. You learn to let go of your limitations and inhibitions; there’s a new freedom to living, and a freedom from other people’s expectations. You realize that what someone thinks of you can’t give one you extra day of living. There’s no amount of money that can buy you a longer life.